Fall update

(Oct 14 3:01 p.m.)

Autumn.  The leaves are turning red, and the air has cooled.  The air is also drier, considering a little “pink in the sink” from my sinuses.

(Oct 7 2:47 p.m.)

There are no shortages of places with decorations— pumpkins on display, even in our living room (the fake, plastic light-up kind, but still).  Stores make it clear that Halloween is right ahead.  (In the U.S., anyway.)  I was also made aware, by my friends, of the Mid-Autumn festival (observed in China and Vietnam), and Diwali (Hindu)— with plenty of yellows and oranges— comprised of candles and fireworks in the sky, and massive amounts of flying lanterns… Okay, so there were no flying lanterns Continue reading Fall update

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Atychiphobia

Atychiphobia: the clinical fear of failure.

There’s nothing like thinking you can’t do anything right, that your inadequacies are too great to live.  Or you’re not “legitimate” in what you do or even as a person because you’re rejected in big ways and small, even by people who’re supposed to care.  And the toxic behaviors you carry from a life of neglect isolate you further.

It’s always more than one thing or one matter with me.  I’m never really okay.  Some have called what I have depression, but it’s not the same.  I’m down and out of luck, and the attempt to take charge goes nowhere.  Whatever it is, I’ve had it for a long time.  And life only gets harder the older I get, as with anyone else. Continue reading Atychiphobia

The fall

(Sep 15 6:15 p.m.)

It’s the last week of summer in the United States.  The autumn colors are showing more.  Yellow and red, some falling around me.

How the overall environ. has treated the “porch plant.” (Sep 15 6:18 p.m.)
(Sep 1 6:59 a.m.)

Fresh leaves collect with the brown.

Blue feather. Closer to a mountain bird than a blue jay. (Sep 2 6:35 p.m.)

Acorns accumulate. Continue reading The fall

Leaked, tragic letter: govt knew #Grenfell waiting to happen. Will inquiry ignore?

“As there are estimated to be another 4,000 older tower blocks in the UK without automatic sprinkler protection, can we really afford to wait for another tragedy to occur before we amend this weakness?”

That tragedy happened three months ago. It’s the 21st century, and Theresa May again rules out fire sprinklers in high-rise buildings. It’s such a basic safety regulation, and it’s turned down. Add composite panels, and you have a fire that would spread rapidly… as it did.

(Comments are closed this side.  Please visit the Skwawkbox.)

The SKWAWKBOX

As the government’s public inquiry into the Grenfell Tower disaster begins, exactly three months after the terrible events took place, minds are turning again with interest that should never have waned to the fire that took so many lives and the failings that led to it.

grenfell-burnBut a leaked 2013 letter sent to a government minister acts a stark and tragic reminder of what will almost certainly not be considered at the inquiry that many are concerned is aimed at obscuring the real picture of Grenfell Tower, because its narrow scope will look only at the immediate causes of the fire and its rapid spread.

Ex-firefighter Ronnie King OBE is the Honorary Administrative Secretary of the ‘All-Party Parliamentary Group’ (APPG) for fire safety and rescue. The leaked letter is one that he sent in 2013 to then-LibDem MP Stephen Williams, who was at the time a communities minister in the…

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Summer update

(Aug 12 1:47 p.m.)

So I’ve been falling behind on the blogging front again.  I attribute it to the national news, the negativity and lack of confidence in my voice even though I have enough I’d like to say.

Gotta post some day, so here goes.

Last Saturday wasn’t particularly eventful… in Maine, I mean.  I was invited to a BBQ, but declined because it entailed more sitting around doing nothing.  It’s kind of funny because, despite not going, I saw tiki torches— something you’d see at barbecues— anyway, with the news.  (Not much was funny about what happened in Virginia.)

Participation or no, I needed to get out of the house.  And it goes without saying: most of the opportunities in life are not going to be online.

(Aug 12 1:47 p.m.)

First stop… and without much choice (because I can’t drive): timely photos of Crescent Beach, and with the better camera.  As you can see, the beach was populated.  (With people.)

(Aug 12 2:08 p.m.)

A park ranger at the entryway toll booth asked whether I was native to the state.  Maine gets a fair amount of tourism.

Chipmunk! (Aug 12 1:33 p.m.)

I saw a few animals before I even put my feet onto pavement.  (As always, click to enlarge a photo. …And sorry for the traces of bird poop on the windows.) Continue reading Summer update

Midsummer vegetation

(Aug 6 11:49 a.m.)

Half of the season is already over.  (In the U.S., anyway.)  And I checked, mathematically: the midpoint was August 7… at around 2 in the morning.

(Aug 9 2:56 p.m.)

The yellowing is more apparent now in the second half.

(Aug 6 11:41 a.m.)

To update you on things, I’m still having trouble sleeping.  But I’ve had good days.  Seven hours total this morning.

(Aug 3 10:51 p.m.)

No squirrels in the ceiling so far, thank god.  Maybe they finally “got it” that it’s not worth it.  This one—above—barked at me; later, two barked at each other.  And, on my daily walk, I hear little chipmunks hiding from me… into the cracks of the side of the house. Continue reading Midsummer vegetation

Slow summer days

(Jul 29 8:22 a.m.)

Well, it’s one of those weekends.  I got up early Saturday, and walked in the morning.  My body said, maybe it’s best you go back to sleep.  But I didn’t.  I offered my support as someone to talk to… on twitter… and then the day went by, and I became the one who needed social engagement.  I’m thinking about signing up on Reddit, but can’t think of a new screen name.  There really isn’t anything I can do locally.

So.  I might as well get into what happened Tuesday.

(Jul 25 1:01 p.m.)

The day’s notes and events included fallen branches in the driveway… and the Senate’s first day trying to “skinny-repeal” the Affordable Care Act.  (I’ll note that the law, what many on the right call “socialism” is the conservative version of legislation that has been taken to the floor for decades to finally pass.  The proposed healthcare reforms under Nixon was more “liberal.”  But I digress.)

Tuesday was a day scheduled to see the counselor.  We went over the report aimed at enabling access to services regarding my disabilities, and the fun paperwork that entails.  However, I didn’t tell him how I felt that morning.  He knows about my sleeplessness, my isolation, but he doesn’t quite know how I’ve changed.

The day began with a bit of a breakdown.  There’s a big difference between “this sucks, I need to do something” (where I tend to fall back into complacency), and… “I am broken.”  Crying entered the conversation this week with N., my practitioner friend; she said she cries almost every day, to cleanse the heart and reset the emotional state.  I did, briefly.  I got only one more hour of sleep before departing.

(Not my bike.) (Jul 25 2:09 p.m.)

About half of 3 p.m., my mother pulled into the parking lot for Crescent Beach.  Troubles of the day aside, before me was the opportunity to get some summer photos.

(Jul 25 3:06 p.m.)

Continue reading Slow summer days

Come nightfall

(Jul 26 10:32 p.m.)

Come nightfall
The stars shine with a luster
dimmed by distance
telling
of an open sky
and beyond
ancient history

It reminds me
of others
in the fog of memory
who’d seen stars before
and their drive to reach
and go
Grow

I know
they are all far away
So far
the sky appears flat
until the moon catches my eyes
with its awe-inspiring sight, and light
Before the darkness returns again

 

The above photos is, unfortunately, the best the iPhone camera can do as far as capturing the starry night, Wednesday.  It’s also the best I can do as far as polishing the poem for now, lol.

In other things, there will be a total eclipse of the sun on August 21 across all of North America… Have a good Friday!

It’s official

I have insomnia.  And I can’t blame the squirrels this time.

My sleeping has been pretty deficient this month, but now it’s getting harder to count the hours.  Yesterday, it was three (two plus one); this morning, just one.  And let me tell you: you can’t really function on one hour of sleep.

Sure, you can get a little buzzed from sleep deprivation, and my memory recall somehow improves in a few areas due to lowered inhibitions.  But my eyes look and feel like crap.

“Coffee Guy”, MADtv

I’m still yawning.  But I’m not sleeping.  Ya get into bed; minutes, hours pass, and you’re still conscious.  You could call that rest, but it’s not particularly useful rest.  You could be doing something else than just lying in bed.  And when you do manage to sleep, there’s a bit of overhead when it comes to REM sleep that a series of short naps don’t cut it.

Sometimes that trick I realized of letting your mind wander into dreamland works.  Sometimes it doesn’t.  I know there are other tricks.  God forbid I need sleeping meds.

This morning, after prepping for bed, signing out, and putting my phone into airplane mode and under my pillow, I closed my eyes.  After 45 minutes… yeah, still awake.  So I spent a little time “web surfing,” “organizing,” and eventually went outside.  (Exercise can help.)

(Jul 26 8:27 a.m.)

I discovered that some of the leaves outside are already yellowing.

I also found out that, by the ludicrous internal date for the photo, I neglected to set the time zone on the iPhone.  Some days ago (these days are kind of a blur now, so I don’t remember the date), the battery mysteriously ran out on the iPhone, after only a few days without charging.  (My guess is that an app, such as the sound recorder, was left open.)  The world clock on the phone is three minutes behind.  Considering the house has no WiFi to update the world clock, I set the clock manually.  But I didn’t notice the Beijing time zone.  So the dates captioned for photos in blog posts since that date have been 12 hours ahead.  Sorry.

The final photo of the now-deceased wildflower by the side of the house. (Jul 22 7:41 p.m. a.m.)

My writing quality now is… not quality writing.  I’ve been told that quality comes from the inside.  And so I need sleeeeep.

Before I go, I will note that yesterday was mildly interesting for a number of reasons.  But it’s kind of a post in itself because I took over 50 photos.  I’m too tired to put it together now.  Hopefully, after publishing this, I can try to get some sleeeeep.