Recently, I have begun to get out of my comfort zone to learn. Too much time’s been wasted thinking I can’t. I must improve myself for myself, helped or not. I must hold it together, despite feeling disappointed in myself sometimes.
The alternative, well… Here’s a reflection of losing oneself.
The morrow calls for a sleep
But the night stretches on
For my mind is up
To no good.
Like the search for an answer
To a question that had left me;
I am not tired
But this relationship is.
I chose the night for its ease
But now I’m caught with its disease;
I fell for a flow
That could ebb for an eternity.
I had entered, at will,
Out of my way,
Glossing over signs with a touch of noir.
Until its darkness swallowed me,
Many photos I took last year didn’t make it to the blog for various reasons; so, to complete the picture (pun intended), here are a good many to fill the gap a little.
Unfortunately, none of these were taken with the newer camera (higher resolution, better color accuracy), and many of them are the opposite of extraordinary. …Maybe, you’ll want to get something to eat or drink…
“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.” —Jack Kerouac
A man of few words — God, almighty, if I keep reducing myself like this, I’ll have nothing left to say!
…So, yeah, it’s 2017. I know I’m late by the fact that it’s been so long that I need to cut my nails…
If you could could say a year sucked, 2016 would be one of those years; so the the slide into 2017 has brought me some hope to start afresh— new work, if I can help it (but not too much stress); just a newness like a breath of fresh air. The thing is, what makes things different than before is our own personal effort. Continue reading Getting back to writing… if I can help it→
Christmas here was okay. Some good food, some remarkable gifts, including jewelry (not for me, haha), but otherwise understated. It’s been hard getting my mind working lately… And then the Breaking Bad marathon started, so it’s not hard to guess what’s been on the TV lately. (Until this morning, when the finale aired.)
I’ve wanted to get a post in, on what’s been going on with me, or on the start of Winter, etc. But it hasn’t come together. What I have written doesn’t meet my truth standards… I don’t know what I want, and my brain is just not working. I’ve been holding my tongue until I literally put a tooth mark in it. And I’ve gone back to the software; because that’s what I’m better at— a writer first in code.
I can manage a small update though. It snowed twice since I last wrote here. I shoveled both times. My mother shoveled first, and I completed the job. Continue reading Tongue-tied→
Yeah, it snowed again. But on the predicted day, so Accuweather got it right. And tonight, overnight, it should get down to… 1 to 5°F (-12 to -15°C). And that’s not counting wind chill, which, according to my ears (and my skin earlier; briefly ⛄), is intense. Feels like: -25. 🙂 And it’s still technically Fall.
Thank God for artificial heating, right? Well, the electric heaters in the house never seem to be enough on cold days like these. I’ve been wearing a “knit” acrylic hat in the house since around Thanksgiving.
On Friday, we are looking at below zero temperatures. And after that, more snow. It’s serious enough that one group facilitator decided to postpone a bowling event.
At this point, the trees are practically bare (not counting the white stuff). But leading up to Thanksgiving (U.S.), there were still some reds on the trees.
The snow that appeared November 21 cleared enough by the next day; as you can see in the above pictures, it’s hard to tell that it snowed at all.
It was still cold enough that the large quartz heaters were set up outside the Tiqa Café. Not only that, but the people there were burning something. (I could smell it, and see a thin layer of smoke coming up in the center of the ‘seating area.’) Continue reading Fall update→
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.” —David Russell
Yeah, okay, so that quote doesn’t quite apply here, lol. I’m not known for burning bridges, literal or otherwise. I don’t forget people. My memory may not be 100%, but I still remember faces, even if the names escape me. Every once and a while a regret may pop up in my head over broken connections and bad impressions… but those things are a part of life.
On the literal side of things, a new bridge was recently built to replace an old one and make way for new power lines, here in Nowhere, Maine. (Buxton, to be precise.) It was the Bar Mills Bridge, built in 1936, that had to go. The green bridge, which closed July 11, is still being dismantled…
Large trucks (above a certain weight) were not permitted to use the old bridge, for obvious reasons. (Eighty years old.)
The new one was completed in November— a contract of 120 days.
On the metaphorical side, I have a real problem at building my own bridges. An Aspie who fell out of love with life, connecting with people has always been hard. But I must build. No man is an island. We must grow to live. At least professionally, we need relationships. Of course, there’s always some pain in the process, some kind of labor. And when a bridge fails, it can take part(s) of you down with it… But we need to exercise the right muscles; we need to try to repair and move on. Sometimes we can manage without a bridge somewhere, but every so often we must rebuild.
All of us come and go in our own time, and none of us are the same. What was sweet is bound to turn sour, so we must accept facts and learn to move on— forgive when it is time. Easier said than done sometimes. But if we can, in fact, never forget someone who no longer needs us… then why try to hold on if we’ll always remember?
Soon after crossing that new literal bridge over Saco River, and for the first time, my mother spotted some sheep. Or, at least they appear to be sheep…
She pulled over. It was quite sudden, but there was no traffic. And so I took the opportunity; I crossed the road, and approached the fence. And they, the sheep, were excited. They may have expected food (from strangers), considering they rose to see me. Needless to say, there was no intellectual conversation to be had. I said “hello,” and one of them immediately pooed. They all gradually turned their heads away. …Again, I’m not known for connecting very well with others. Noticing the dropping of “malted milk balls,” I said “okay,” and moved on to the other side of the barn. …And I’m sorry if I’ve caused you to never eat Whoppers® again.
On the other side of the barn, I got some baas. Click here for a video.
I could go into the metaphors of being a “sheep” and “don’t be like a sheep to the slaughter,” and stuff like that, but… nah. (Or na’ah’ah…) We’re all on our way to some place, and it’s not really my place to tell you, dear reader, what to think. I can, however, ask you to be honest with yourself, in good reason and good health.
Well, I got a lot of backlog of reading and writing to tend to. Until next time…