Holding on and letting go

(Nov 25 4:05 p.m.)

Last time, I described 2020 as a rough year.  But ‘rough’ is… just too nice of a word to describe what people went through.  No, 2020 was painful.

First, the impeachment of the president fell through.  It may not seem like much today and was not surprising to many, but it revealed things of what was to come.  The Senate majority party basically cemented alternative policies that aren’t our national policy in dependence of a man who literally leaves his own supporters in the freezing cold.  They told all Americans again and again that they’re not going to check the executive powers as Donnie and his associates broke federal operations all the way to the postal service just to cheat in an election.  He knows that this government is very lenient on presidential authority, that charges would not be filed against him while he’s President.

Yeah… it’s not over.

(Jan 10 1:59 p.m.)

Then, a novel virus transformed the way we lived.  We all have either gotten it or know someone who was affected by it, from intubation to amputation, to outright death.  I got a strain of the virus recently (fully recovered), but 0.1% of the national population didn’t stand a chance.  Over 340,000 fatalities.  To give you perspective, the flu kills only about 20-62,000 a year nationally.  Death from complications of the virus made a new statistic as the third leading cause of death, under cancer and heart disease.  And that’s not counting the number of individuals who are still alive but have organ damage; there’s no statistic on that because it’s way too contagious.  The people who still attempt to call it a hoax or compare it to the flu don’t get that the coronavirus is extremely inflammatory but at the same time about as contagious as the cold.  They can complain as much as they want, but the use of masks in public is completely necessary.

Thankfully, vaccines are now being administered.

Et tu, Bob? (Dec 22 2:14 p.m.)

There wouldn’t be a pandemic with closures without permanent closures.  The Great Wall buffet, a Chinese restaurant with a great variety of food and good quality, closed for good.

(Jan 7 3:48 p.m.)

Then the Sears in the Maine Mall closed.

(Oct 15 2:17 p.m.)

The entire Sears chain has been dying a slow death for a long time, but it shows the most vulnerable stores out there were going to have to shut and liquidate stores if they couldn’t afford operating costs and pay when people have reason to not risk their lives.  Unemployment claims broke records.  People are further in debt, and plenty of businesses have filed for bankruptcy, including farms on top of the trade war that promoted farmer suicides.  To make matters worse, big business chains and people associated with federal big wigs took advantage of PPP loans, something meant for small businesses.  There will always be businessmen who openly tout free market capitalism but in practice show they care more about their own assets than the health of the free market.  But I digress.

(Nov 20 1:22 p.m.)

This year was heartbreaking.  A dear grandmother of the man who oversees the house I live in, the woman who raised him passed away.  Many others on life support during the time of Covid also couldn’t make it.

In July, Grant Imahara from Mythbusters of all people, died of an aneurysm.  It’s not so much the fact that good, gentle and uplifting people like him die.  It’s that this year is painful for many out there in terms of how much has been lost.  Those left behind have had to pick up the pieces while struggling to survive as it is.  I could say it’s not historically so bad if you were to compare it to the Great Depression, for example, when many starved to the point of skin and bones, or when you look at other parts of the globe today that have already been in a food shortage crisis, such as Yemen, exacerbated by Saudi air and land blockade.  Covid, of course, made things worse.  It may not be the worst plague imaginable, but it is indeed a plague.

Either way, this year definitely makes you appreciate what you have.

Leaves, leaves, leaves. (Oct 28 4:47 p.m.)

This year unmade things established in 2016.

The bad side of that is that I lost my faraway friend.  She didn’t die, no.  But she is an addictive personality who couldn’t separate me from her disorder.  She tried to reconnect at one point, but I made it worse the way I responded.  Things are so broken between us, I can tell the quality of my words in correspondence just isn’t there anymore.  I still consider her a good person overall, trying to improve things and evolve.  She was my favorite person, and I feel more alive when I so much as think of her.  But now I’m a trigger to her, more or less.

(Oct 4 3:37 p.m.)

I’m thinking I’ll need a support group to fully recover.

Addendum: the ‘recovery’ isn’t simply losing someone; it’s also feeling alone in life and being used in the process.  There’s no sugar coating the fact that she manipulated me years ago.  I didn’t trust her when she began interacting with my retweets mere months after ending the friendship.  I hit the block button days after this post for sake of my relationship with my stateside friend, and didn’t look back.  Sometimes closing the door and locking it is necessary to keep the past in the past.

(Sep 30 2:17 p.m.)

All pain is in transition to something new.  Attitude still matters.  Dwelling in some head space isn’t moving.  If you promote health, use your sense of ethics, love life, love your friends and yourself through the pain, things get better.  I’m writing through the pain.

(Oct 2 6:15 p.m.)

On the good side of things unmade…

(Oct 4 3:37 p.m.)

Mr I-Take-No-Responsibility-At-All lost reelection despite cheating.  Of course he’s up to no good, but once he’s out, good riddance to that legacy of Shithole.

But I digress.

(Nov 19 1:18 p.m.)

🎶 America, fuck yeah! 🎶

Sorry, I just had to do that. 😆

(Dec 10 8:11 p.m.)

Fireworks have been set off since after sunset today.  I hear more going off.  It’s about time I wrap this up.

Well, I wish you all a Happy New Year. 🙂  May you have peace and success in your goals in the coming year, and enough toilet paper! 🙂

Until next time…

(Dec 13 6:47 p.m.)

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