Dilemma on Dilemma

I have that problem of not being able to do anything on the spot—or maybe I don’t since I’m doing this on the spot, not preparing writing 99% of it at home like all of the posts before this. Speaking from the heart, or pulling things from…you know where?

I’ve considered writing about the dilemma of dilemmas, something worse than writer’s block: taking too long, losing your notes and not being able to remember anything! Once, it’s a mistake. Twice, WTF? Thrice, I have to remember by heart. But then again, I hate myself for losing things, and…

Well, some bloggers use WordPress much like twitter, only writing little things.

…losing my attention span.
Too often, I suck, and that’s both a gift and a curse. Okay, that expression doesn’t work very well, but I swore that I wouldn’t delete anything this time. Okay, I didn’t swear on that, and I admit that I don’t know what I’m saying half the time. And I’d just admitted minutes ago to another student in the ‘community’ that I’m still learning. It’s been two months, and I neglected updating one post that’s still in draft form, among other things—still a student.

Blogging: Quality vs. Quantity addresses a lot on blogging, offers a list of things you should and shouldn’t do for better blogging, but it really comes down to better writing in periodic timing. Sure there are images and urls, but relating only on images is something of photog blogging or Pintrest. Writing is the main thread, the crux. Different forms have their different advantages, but news blogs work just like news papers, fiction and poetry blogs work just like regular publications as well.

Hopefully—and there’s that word again, I would gain the ability to write on the spot and successfully write notes. But then again, I end up being the one to craft images to attract viewers because I don’t have the time to find images. Or because of that sense of humor I have, which can get pretty bad, or my politics (on the other site), people wouldn’t want me using their images or reblogging. And before today, I thought I’d be flooded with comments for something more professional—but albeit B-grade [at best]—writing, where I might not be able to respond in time over that “access issues” I’ve mentioned a couple times…of course, that didn’t happen.

Of course I get misunderstood when I say “of course.” I’m not on Facebook, reaching out is difficult with this form of Asperger’s— “stunted” is my everything. …Unintentionally self-centered with that alone time I wanted earlier in life, not being able to undo it.  And then that becomes a crutch, and I’m still a f***ing child, where Ramblings From an [Apathetic] Adult Baby does a better job at everything. Yes, more experience there.

Does five hundred words in forty minutes count as speed-writing? I’m a student there too. Distractions aside, and heart in the right place, only my WPM limits would get in my way. And my ego wants me to say: I used to be able to type over fifty words per minute. And not deleting any substance and spelling out five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred minutes (from Rent) will necessarily add words.

Good writing is extremely difficult.  It takes a lot of balance and time, and I’m running out of time now.  Another dé jà vû.

I guess when it comes to quantity versus quality, sometimes speaking from the heart produces content where you never know how long, how many words will be produced, and that sometimes it will be very, very long. Just like one of [guess]’s monologues…although he’s an alcoholic, prepared ahead of time, working all of his life, with help of two other people, and I am “recovering” loser who can’t work and couldn’t write anything without help in high school—unbelievable misspellings, grammar, you name it.

I hope I’ll be able to come back soon with something worth while. And I really do. But I fail, then I live, then I fail again. I have to work with failure properly, as success comes after learning from failure… so I can finally, %*#!ing succeed.

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