Tag Archives: sleeplessness

It’s official

I have insomnia.  And I can’t blame the squirrels this time.

My sleeping has been pretty deficient this month, but now it’s getting harder to count the hours.  Yesterday, it was three (two plus one); this morning, just one.  And let me tell you: you can’t really function on one hour of sleep.

Sure, you can get a little buzzed from sleep deprivation, and my memory recall somehow improves in a few areas due to lowered inhibitions.  But my eyes look and feel like crap.

“Coffee Guy”, MADtv

I’m still yawning.  But I’m not sleeping.  Ya get into bed; minutes, hours pass, and you’re still conscious.  You could call that rest, but it’s not particularly useful rest.  You could be doing something else than just lying in bed.  And when you do manage to sleep, there’s a bit of overhead when it comes to REM sleep that a series of short naps don’t cut it.

Sometimes that trick I realized of letting your mind wander into dreamland works.  Sometimes it doesn’t.  I know there are other tricks.  God forbid I need sleeping meds.

This morning, after prepping for bed, signing out, and putting my phone into airplane mode and under my pillow, I closed my eyes.  After 45 minutes… yeah, still awake.  So I spent a little time “web surfing,” “organizing,” and eventually went outside.  (Exercise can help.)

(Jul 26 8:27 a.m.)

I discovered that some of the leaves outside are already yellowing.

I also found out that, by the ludicrous internal date for the photo, I neglected to set the time zone on the iPhone.  Some days ago (these days are kind of a blur now, so I don’t remember the date), the battery mysteriously ran out on the iPhone, after only a few days without charging.  (My guess is that an app, such as the sound recorder, was left open.)  The world clock on the phone is three minutes behind.  Considering the house has no WiFi to update the world clock, I set the clock manually.  But I didn’t notice the Beijing time zone.  So the dates captioned for photos in blog posts since that date have been 12 hours ahead.  Sorry.

The final photo of the now-deceased wildflower by the side of the house. (Jul 22 7:41 p.m. a.m.)

My writing quality now is… not quality writing.  I’ve been told that quality comes from the inside.  And so I need sleeeeep.

Before I go, I will note that yesterday was mildly interesting for a number of reasons.  But it’s kind of a post in itself because I took over 50 photos.  I’m too tired to put it together now.  Hopefully, after publishing this, I can try to get some sleeeeep.

Restless with a side of crazy

(Jul 20 7:19 a.m.)

My sleeping has taken a turn for the worse.  I’m getting two to four hours more often.  And it’s not due to the news.  It’s this squirrel in the roof, scratching, damaging the ceiling above my bed… and that’s after the fact that my quality of sleep has been poor with the bed already since 2014.  This house, this environment, the isolation, for years, and it gets worse like this.  I mean, animals actively keeping you awake in the ongoing process of your home being destroyed.  It is such a breaking point, how much I can’t live here.

(Jul 20 7:20 a.m.)

Passiveness be damned.  I went outside. Continue reading Restless with a side of crazy


Recently, I have begun to get out of my comfort zone to learn.  Too much time’s been wasted thinking I can’t.  I must improve myself for myself, helped or not.  I must hold it together, despite feeling disappointed in myself sometimes.

The alternative, well…  Here’s a reflection of losing oneself.

(Jan 12 8:56 p.m.)
(Jan 12 8:56 p.m.)

The morrow calls for a sleep
But the night stretches on
For my mind is up
To no good.

Like the search for an answer
To a question that had left me;
I am not tired
But this relationship is.

I chose the night for its ease
But now I’m caught with its disease;
I fell for a flow
That could ebb for an eternity.

I had entered, at will,
Out of my way,
Passing time,
Glossing over signs with a touch of noir.

Until its darkness swallowed me,
And finally,
I had

Sleep, I barely know thee

Add September 8 to the list of days I’ve held off sleep.

Sleep and exercise— what my therapist (or counselor, whichever; haven’t seen him in a long time) told me to work on… The sleep?  Not only have I reverted— sleeping late in the morning, but to a degree I’ve stopped caring.  (I should care.)  Exercise?  My exercise, for months, has rested (ha) entirely on the length of the driveway. (Repeatedly.)  My bad sleeping habits are the larger problem to face because of the importance of a working schedule… and health.  So I’ll write about my obstacles on sleep.

Not much interferes, actually.  I don’t have any allergies.  (My nose can be stuffed up, though.)  Possible doom in the world doesn’t keep me up at night.

Comfort in thought has made me a bit lazy.  My far away friend makes me happy just thinking about her, and… sometimes I spend too much time thinking about her.  I finally got around to writing something on the matter… but getting my flawed writing to work properly is another matter.

Apart from medical issues (which interfere with being able to stay asleep), what ultimately keeps me from going to bed is lack of resolution.  Sometimes I just have to see something through, even if I have no control.  Accomplishing something in the day, catching up… and misunderstandings.

Oh, there’s nothing like the feeling you are losing your mind.

As anyone knows, it can be hard to convey tone in a written message.  In my case, people can take a lack of eloquence in my normal written voice as something to be taken personally, and so I keep managing to scare or tire people away.  People can be overly nice in refraining from asking questions, and I can be overly nice in accepting more distance.  Assumptions run the risk of taking things for granted, so perhaps we should carve out space to be blunt, and shamelessly ask for the sake of clarity?

Nevertheless, sometimes there’s nothing you can do after something snowballs, except be clear and concise when someone… asks a question.

What kept me up all day Thursday was the Story Full of Sh*t (or SFS) that will impact Gary Johnson’s campaign, in good ways and bad.  Even the quote “What is Aleppo?” is false.  I’m so sick of the echo chamber, and yet I made the mistake of staying up over 24 hours total to see how many news outlets would care to accurately cover the story.  Almost none did. …And to think, it originated with the kill-me-now-it’s-like-watching-paint-dry Morning Joe show.

The good news is that more people know about Johnson.  The bad news is “What is Aleppo?” spread everywhere as if he had no clue about the on-going civil war in Syria.  The latest chlorine gassing of civilians made it clear that Bashar Al-Assad doesn’t much care about the people outside the mainland, and the people who don’t much care about quality of information made jokes and memes about Johnson.  Look at this pothead.  (Gary stopped ‘using’ marijuana ages ago, as well as drinking, because it interfered with his athletics.  FYI.)  One “news” outlet asked: Are you smarter than Gary Johnson?  And, Is Mitt Romney regretting his tweet?  (Even a non-endorsement tweet in the reactive coverage was supposedly bad news.)

“I hope voters get to see former GOP Governors Gary Johnson and Bill Weld on the debate stages this fall.” — Mitt Romney, Sep 7.

Libertarians were again called isolationists and ignorant on matters of foreign policy.  It’s great in a civics class, but in real life…  Yeah, in real life, civil libertarians have done a lot of thankless good in protecting the rights of Americans.

It is unfair to think that the Commander In Chief is supposed to know absolutely every name on the map or read every newspaper.  We’re not hiring an Encyclopedia.  The U.S. President does not assume all power nor all responsibility of information.  The brain power in the room always consists of multiple people, where the Commander In Chief would ask his staff questions when necessary.

Today’s demands are met with questionable standards and hypocrisy, so is it any wonder that so many people have lost sense of things?

I began my day by setting aside any doubt that I’m human.” —Johnson

The truth was made pretty clear on Your World w/ Neil Cavuto (where Neil has returned from vacation) that not only did Gary know about Syria, he kept going into policy on the matter.  He was brief on saying the current administration exacerbated things, and stressed that matters of terrorism are very complex, adding that the void would be filled if one group was destroyed.  (Tell me that’s not true.)  And unlike most politicians, he honorably blamed no one but himself for his on-air mistake, early on.

But, as mentioned before, the facts don’t make the headlines; in the list of interests that drive a story to be covered and repeated, quality in truth can easily get lost.

“A lie will go round the world while truth is pulling its boots on.” — proverb, “Spurgeon’s Gems”

(Even this quote or variations thereof is falsely credited to Mark Twain in 1919; he died in 1910.)

Johnson actually asked “What is a Leppo?”  But will corrections be made?  What can we expect when The New York Times, in answering “What is Aleppo?”, had to correct itself twice?  (They didn’t even get the capital of Syria right.)

Now, if you’re wondering, will his gaffe change my vote, the answer is: no.  It’s a superficial story.  It’s substantive articles that make me think.

So over the past two days there was a lot of channel surfing on something that kind of went nowhere.  The coverage this morning has been better… when far fewer people are watching.

…Well, it’s Saturday— which gives me the perfect opportunity to sleep in.

Friday Fictioneers: Sleepless…

Welcome to Friday Fictioneers, hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.  This week’s prompt photo is from Doug, over at ironwoodwind.

Seeing the prompt, it wasn’t long before Con Air came to mind…I caught the flick again on TV, recently.  It’s crappier than I remembered.  But, past that, I found actual coordinates in the prompt photo, and tried to find the location.  Google Maps turned up blank, so I went to the map poster… Long story short, I got the coordinates in the wrong order.  I should’ve guessed by the file name, “keck”…the photo is of the W. M. Keck Astronomical Oservatory in Hawaii.  But the wrong coords. did give me an idea, so… Enjoy.

100 words

Photo Copyright © Douglas M. MacIlroy

I’d always dreamed of being a scientist.  You could picture me a young lad with a pen and a dorky grin; and boy, was I hungry for knowledge.  I felt alive.

Never in my wildest dreams did I picture myself at the North Pole!  Calibrating instruments under harsh, isolated conditions, I cannot sleep a wink.  Worse, there appears to be a bug going around.  Stomach flu, perhaps.

Bad news.  One measly lung infection, and we’re quarantined?  And beyond my team, where is everybody?  And why am I still here?  I’m immune!  …Boy, am I hungry… I think I’ll eat Bob.

Participation is welcome to all.  The goal is to write a story, beginning-middle-end, in 100 words or less.  You are also encouraged to “think outside of the box.”

Click here to add yours or see what others have written for the prompt.

Visit Addicted to Purple for Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers page, stories, and artwork.  You can follow her blog for the prompt each Wednesday.

Spring’s Edge

It’s now officially Spring.  But does it feel like it?  Oh, yeah— like a spring in your back!

A hint of Spring, when the bugs are out… and one crawls into your ear while in bed.
A hint of Spring, when the snow melts… and the leaks splash run-off onto your face …while in bed.
A hint of Spring, when temperatures rise… proving a false positive, where you just know the cold will return, and worse if the weather threatens the electric heating.
A hint of spring, that a spring in the bed must push in at your side.
A hint of Spring, that…there is still snow on the ground, and…it may snow again.
A hint of Spring, that the President went to Jerusalem to provoke another Arab Spring, thrusting forth more military and militants.
A hint of Spring, after tolerating a frigid-cold keyboard and mouse… I think I’ll close my eyes for a second.
A hint of Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz…. (Photo credit: Daniel de Oliveira Pereira)

Not to be.

What am I kidding?  I can’t be!  That absence hole is deep.
You aim to fill that horrendous hole, but instead you lose sleep.
More of that absence, a weather delay, and subsequent President’s Day…
“Better than I was before,” —no, you’ve really gone more astray.
Such absence, and still a dependent with damn unreliable phone…
“Hey, Dakota Fanning’s role in Now is Good didn’t die alone!”
Well, there is no truth beyond this point without some long, drawn out story.
I have tried.  I have spent several days on that.  It gets ugly fast.
“This is where ‘faith’ is crushed by the weight of lost time.”  Sounds happy, right?
If it wasn’t for quality control, my abbreviated life story would still be here.
(And it was here.  I wrote it.  And then I went to sleep after ten… a.m.)

A Storm to Remember, now November

It’s Movember— I mean, November, the next month.
’Better get crackin’ on manually reading those other blogs I can’t follow ’cause my reader’s swamped.  ’Good thing I stuffed a bunch of URLs into a single text file, right?  And if Homeland Security misunderstands my use of ‘dirty bomb,’ …I guess I’m screwed ’cause I can’t afford a good attorney.

What was this post supposed to be about, again?
…Oh, yeah, detailing as much as I can, the past couple of days.  Le sh*tstorm.

Oh, and Spank Material for the Clinically Insane has reached Chapter 6. Continue reading A Storm to Remember, now November