At this point I’m kind of devastated.
I couldn’t even face myself failing to fix a post, where I documented what could be described as a manic episode, and one that ventured into the subject of sincerity. (In other words, lower than low; it felt so important, but no.) I’ve had to process things in absence (from social media). I’ve had to discover, from a few articles and blogs, notably Lucky’s and The Happy Sensitive, that I have to get back to myself, in touch with my own feelings, and that one feeling doesn’t negate another; what I actually feel needs to be felt instead of making assumptions and avoiding it, or fantasizing about a better reality. I already have a few narcissistic traits; I can’t let let myself go or else I’ll run the risk of getting worse.
Continue reading Writing to no one
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The persona is a mask, a shield, and a character. Out of insecurity or entertainment, the persona is used to channel the ego of his/her character—so the character’s ego would be affected instead of their own. Most people carry a shell, to some degree or another.
Of the entertainment factor, stand-up comedians act differently on stage than in real life. Take Albert Einstein and the late Phyllis Diller, for example. At home, they never wore their signature hair, and Diller never held her signature cigarette holder. (And, yes, I know Einstein wasn’t a stand-up comedian.)
Then, there’s the specific act of self-deprecation, used to keep oneself from becoming too large, and to quash that higher-than-thou impression. Being opinionated is one thing, but having an ego the size of Mount Rushmore is another. There’s something to be said about not allowing yourself to be idolized, to instead promote an ideal or set of ideals. That is the nature of the role model. It is not necessarily you, but the image put out there to inspire values.
Maintenance of that role model is yet another thing, one most difficult for a narcissist.
Narcissism (n.): the instance of being over-self-congratulatory, such as putting up paintings or photos of yourself doing mundane things as if they’re major accomplishments—all over the place.
Continue reading Persona, the Double Life and the Glass Cage