A sleepless Friday morning

Still holding up. Declining unnaturally slow due to the “normalized” climate in the house. (Nov 15 2:36 p.m.)

It’s another one of those “bad times” to be up. It’s four a.m., and I’m awake for “no reason.” After spending too much time on one thing, I feel unfulfilled and can’t sleep. My “unfulfilled” is mostly due to the fact that, after a while, the lines of communication with people decline and collapse, and I’m left wondering why there’s so much silence.

Things may have progressed on where I’m going in life (maybe), but I’m still very alone in terms of my real life relationships. I start to lose my mind if there’s no meaningful or intellectual conversation for days on end. I am a social being, after all. My heart hurts a little thinking about it.

(Nov 17 12:49 p.m.)

I’m still here… trying to find something. And sometimes, as you may know, I get photo opportunities.

(Nov 17 12:50 p.m.)

These photos reflect what was left of recent snow before it cleared.

(Nov 19 1:43 p.m.)

By the Sunday, it was gone. Rain, winds, rain and more rain.

(Nov 21 4:29 p.m.)

And a pink sunset, Tuesday. Skies have gotten dark enough that you see the moon in the afternoon.

This Thanksgiving lost a bit of its meaning, for me. Certain effort was put in, sure, but I fell short on what I’m thankful for, save the basics of being alive with free speech, etc. This morning I’m still eating the store-bought pumpkin pie; potassium sorbate and high fructose corn syrup. A gratitude in consumption. I didn’t feel like taking any pictures.

The things and people I would think I’m thankful for… are not what they used to be. Nothing’s what it used to be. And I’m not talking recent movements turning heads. There’s less life around. My friends have changed. I am not the same. Media and the many forms of connection are more fragmented and we’re all stressed somehow.

I don’t know how people connect anymore. Then again, it seems I never really knew.

(Nov 17 12:52 p.m.)

I feel a little better venting this.

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