It was a thick cloudy day, Sunday, with some blues and rain earlier, and it’s looking to be a cloudy Monday… and I’m seeing rain. The above photo reflects the last mostly-blue day; so, mostly gray since.
There have been a few thunderstorms entering June. They tend to come when the temperature rises— something about the thermodynamics of it, as warmer air moves faster than cooler air; thunderstorms are after all, produced by unstable air, lift and water vapor.
The “air” inside me hasn’t been very stable, if the previous post says anything. It was a bit of a change in this blog that I just wrote an “on the fly” post publicly and unapologetically. My personal side isn’t meant for everybody, but I needed to get some things out, and people ought to know if I am unwell, right? The more sincerity the better.
I managed to get to the Saturday Aspie group, so that was a plus. Although, this Saturday was kind of lacking direction (the more experienced leader-members didn’t show until much later), which seems a bit fitting since I’m lacking direction.
I’m still in the back, more listening than talking.
No longer on a schedule without the antibiotics, I’ve drifted back into being a night owl some days. (Or nights, rather.) It gives evidence that I may be an ambivert if I need motivation to make a day productive. An introvert when it comes to small talk, but an extrovert sometimes that I still need to be around people for the energy… or a sense of belonging. Or does that still make me an introvert?
Things are in motion around me but I can’t get myself to do much. On Sunday, I tried to get back to my software to finally write the masking/matte routines, but I found I am less able to write than in 2014. It’s a straightforward task, but I look at my own code and it comes back to me slowly. Atrophy is a part of it, of course— not having touched it in so many months.
My 2014 motto “no one else is going to do it”… isn’t doing it. The season may be heating up, but I instead took a day off, looking at where I’ve gone wrong. Recalibration is a good thing, and so is saying ‘no’ to bad behaviors and superstition, etc. But falling out of everything to this degree?
I know the ground has shifted a little since taking friendships to newer levels, getting out more and accepting work… possibly paying work, at that… thru one of said friends.
But after declaring that I need to / will be strong, for my faraway friend, for me— I don’t know… things faded. Good initiative requires good roots, where I know I’m actually helping overall, because adding more damage by handling things improperly… it’s how I injured my arm in the first place.
Growth is happening all around me. I need to grow too. Nothing will come if I just whimper and bark.
For now, however, it’s probably best for me to face this lull with some more sleep. After all, REM sleep strengthens what you do. (You still have to do.)
Well, until next time… eh, good night. From Maine.