Many people this year have become exhausted, with work, family, and social pressures…
And well, I was the idiot that thought I could handle spontaneity with the newfangled phone. Earlier in the year, after building up a basic (but relatively tiny) social media status, it wasn’t long before I saw just how fast twitter conversations could be. But then, as I have no culture, the artificial, OCD part of myself that edits even stupid tweets for hours took over. Later on, the dark side eventually came out of the woodwork, trolling became a problem with a few people, pressures started to build, and the “it’s just not worth it” side took over. I stopped managing things. Opportunities were blown. I stepped away from blogging for almost a solid month, as if I was right back in 2013.
Now, as a developer, I need things to improve… I just hate the quick passage of time, things left unresolved and unsaid. There’s a certain kind of pain and exhaustion that comes of leaving, coming back and regretting having left, in a cycle.
Hey, if things fall apart, so be it; you cling to life, not death. But even then, it’s sometimes hard to find something to hold on to. Media platforms die. That’s the other thing about this year— some of the people I’ve just begun to know suddenly decided to drop out or go private, even tumblr blogs. It’s a not new thing to happen, but it surprises me when it happens nonetheless.
Versus facing the now-zero in my own social media corner, come this past weekend, my work OCD got out of hand, and I ended up burning myself out… we’re talking unplanned perfectionism of the pixel-by-pixel kind. I could not think straight. I remember the same Tuesday episodes of Saving Hope were on, so, last Friday.
My mind and body were shot. With Brand New medical symptoms of recent, and not being able to even think, I thought I’d lost myself. I thought I became the zombie I joked about becoming. It was a struggle getting to sleep.
So! The general lesson? No one is immune to wear and tear. Make and keep health a priority, above the online experience. Don’t be afraid to see the doctor if something’s wrong— especially if it takes time to make an appointment (and could be too late once you want it!). Take breaks so you don’t overwork yourself. And for god’s sake, get some rest! Sleep deprivation makes you vulnerable to stress, and promotes mental illness, particularly depression and anxiety.
There, hack post completed. Going back to sleep, now. Good morning, and good night!