Today, I saw the tally: following 72 blogs, some abandoned, and some of which post more than one a day. And while it still doesn’t feel like enough, it is too much for me.
Yesterday, I said to myself, after getting only six hours or so of sleep, I aim to go to sleep again, earlier. You know, like midnight. But no…I went to sleep after 6 a.m. because I follow too many blogs and, as it turns out, I tend to peak at 300 WPM now, not 400, not anymore, not with my degenerating vision.
Pain (eyeache/headache) isn’t the half of it. I really cannot read too much anymore. So I went through the pain (more pain) of unfollowing blogs that I…didn’t like anyway, and added one that only posts weekly, which came to…70 total. Sigh.
How could it have gotten this bad? They say ignorance is bliss, but what about avoidance? (Something I heard yesterday.) Surely, if any given news was important enough it would show up anyway, somehow—a reblog, a link… I kept in mind, as I went through the list, what I had followed before November, or 2014. Things were better then, right? …Well, ‘better’ is a relative term.
’09 was the year when everything began to go downhill for me, taking on, what else—too much information, getting into junk politics and all the emotional migraines that followed. Jotting just about anything, left online forever is painful when you get back to it, if you haven’t resolved the factual errors. And I’m talking atrocious errors. Fear. Negativity. Evil.
2009 was also the year when my vision loss became blindness, forgive my ’09 language:
I am not able to even see for a good distance — regardless of my usually unused glasses — because of my failing retinas. I can f–king see lines where there shouldn’t be, and shifty, wavy ones where there should be. Blotches, blind spots come and go, and the sun-lit sky can’t be seen without many little bright dots that pop in, move across the vision plane, and go out.
But enough about my blindness…to which everything has become wavy now…among the things I’ve failed to take care of, as I dissolve into a pile of mush…with inflammation.
If there’s something I’ve learned today, it’s this: ignorance is not magically resolved by putting focus on something else. Merely shifting the disconnect, you may still have the same level of ignorance. Taking on more information certainly won’t fix spiritual problems, nor problems at home. And being more sensitive doesn’t necessarily fix anything. (Okay, several things I’ve learned.)
Aunt J. has told me, via text message, that for every twenty minutes of staring at the screen, I should take a break for twenty minutes. I’ve stared for hours…crap.
…Well, this has been another day of taking blogging too seriously; my longevity’s definitely shorter, reading under fluorescent lighting, and polarized lighting at that. (An LCD monitor.) My eyes hurt quite enough; it was hard to fall sleep.
The limited—mobile—access may be among the things that have saved me so far. I’m such a mush pile… Serendipity is really sounding kind of scary right now.
Pray that I don’t have eye cancer…