Friday Fictioneers: Bull’s Eye (2014.12.26)

Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for the prompt (each week, founded by Madison Woods), and Björn Rudberg for the photo.

There’s a longer version with more detail.  (It was hell getting that page up without it showing in the menu.)

“Bull’s Eye”
Genre: Realistic Fiction/Humor
100 words
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Copyright — Björn Rudberg

Abe the traveler beat his challenges.  Older, he faced one greater: a flight of rocky steps.

He doffed his cap like a white flag.

“Jan got Marc a blender for his birthday…”  Zoe talked about friends with children when she was bored.

“A blender?”

“I know.  He doesn’t cook.  It’s like she gifted it for herself.”

He expressed his pain.

“Where does it hurt?”

“Middle.”

He stretched as she placed her hands.  “What is this?”

“What?”

She described the bull’s-eye on his back.

“Sounds like a bite.  I wondered what that pain was.  Can’t be that bad.”

He was hospitalized.

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All participation is welcome.

Click here to view the inLinks for what others have written for the prompt or add one.

Visit Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple for her own take(s) on each prompt and her Friday Fictioneers page for more details.  You can follow her blog for the prompt each Wednesday.

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11 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: Bull’s Eye (2014.12.26)

    1. You can still read the short version. 😉

      Unfortunately, the “word compression” kind of destroyed the first part of the three-part story challenge, so I had to put up the longer.  His back-story in one brief sentence?

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    1. Rochelle,
      At least it was something other than a blender or toaster like a joke gift. Or wedding shower gift. Not that those two things are the same.

      Thanks for stopping by, and have a happy Happy New Year back. Rosh Hashanah? Next prompt on New Year’s Eve, it appears…
      Adam

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      1. Dear Adam,

        Rosh Hashanah is the new year on the Hebrew lunar calendar which usually falls in September.

        I made the executive decision to extend this prompt for another week due to the holidays keeping many otherwise occupied. So the next prompt will show up on the 7th.

        Shalom and Happy Gregorian New Year,

        Rochelle

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I really like the longer version. I can imagine how difficult it was to condense it. Your characters are nicely drawn – I can feel the bond between them. The bulls-eye bite is a good device, and I hope Abe makes a full recovery and finds the strength to search again.

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  2. I must admit I found the longer version much clearer – it’s always a challenge to find places to cut that don’t detract from the crux of the story itself, and the challenge gets easier (but never easy) with practice. In this case, I think you could have left out a bit more fo the wife’s ramblings in exchange for keeping Abe’s purpose in walking and therefore kept the hunter becomes hunted moral a little clearer, but that’s just a suggestion.

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