Television Static

A poor-man’s poor man… It would be great if I didn’t have to kill myself to get nowhere. Like someone in a hospital bed, watching TV… forever.

And worse: no bed.  I’d be standing most of the time.

And worse: no qualified nurses, doctors… anyone, only someone who plays doctor, refusing to accept… well, much of anything.

And worse: no remote control; I must be exposed to the boob tube’s X-rays (yes, that’s cautioned, seen on some vacuum tubes via sticker) to down/up the sixty channels.

And worse: a third of those channels are unwatchable due to interference (heavy static…with cable).

So… stuck.

But able to watch I Love Lucy (TV-G).  Or as my former self would say, “double-stuck.”  Instead of going to sleep, I’d be watching that show at 6 a.m.  Far more risque than Brady Bunch, in one episode Lucy and Ethel conducted a fake poll over one of those “date” cards sent out by Ricky’s publicist.  The woman asked then responded, your name wouldn’t happen to be Kinsey (mid-twentieth-century sex pollster).

And like before, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” to be imprecise.  Coincidentally, the title of a 2003 film that… hasn’t much conveyed plot: upon Will’s (Clive Owen) departure, Davey Graham (Jon Rhys-Meyers) becomes a drug dealer, and is… “buggered” by Malcolm McDowell.  Davey dies, and former hitman Will seeks vengeance.  Standing upon a hill before the shore, Will thinks, how memories deceive.

At least I get to watch Red Eye (3 a.m., TV-PG-DL but not really rated) again… as if I was still 24 —now too mature and too tired of political pestering— that other trash I mentioned before, of what I choose to avoid now.

Or catch Frasier (TV-PG), the smart stage show of a situational comedy that ran 1993-2004, and I’ve… watched it all already.

Hmm… well, how about something new?  Or, new-ish?  Ish…er…

Oh, I never seem to have the right words to say.  A resonating coincidental reflection of inarticulateness— Charlie Sheen in that not-so-great Anger Management (FX, TV-14), talkin’ ’bout crappin’ out in vocab class way back.

Or Brand X?  Rated TV-MA-L, but FX would bleep out Oasis frontman Noel Gallagher.  They wouldn’t even allow Russell Brand to say “C-word” when it came to bringing up the Onion tweet bomb story (the Onion had to apologize for someone calling nine-year-old actress Quvenzhané Wallis that word).  “Sea World” is the closest Brand could manage.

Too much interference for Vikings (10 p.m.), on History— not just about Hitler anymore.  But not too much interference for three documentary-like films on TCM that… revolve around WWII, followed by a Hitler Lives (1945) short documentary.

“This whole time we thought the Germans were the Germans.  Turns out, we’re the Germans.”  Oh, that Community (NBC, TV-14).  Smart in its dumbness, quick to criticize its own stereotypes.  But like Arrested Development, it can get tiring— often over the top instead of walking the line (a.k.a., edgy).  I guess the main difference is how the imbalance is justified with the college environment.

(Nick) Kroll ShowThe Ben (Hoffman) Show?  Both on Comedy Central (  I remember Hoffman (RT Anna Kendrick’s “Nobody gets me.”) from his (probably longer) stay at Current TV, before the upper-channel was sold to Al Jazeera.  (And do ping-backs go to twitter?  That Nobody gets me link goes directly to the tweet.)

…Okay, then, uh… what have I missed?

‘I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing (work), Bob.’ —Ron “BergerLivingston as Peter Gibbons in Office Space, where TPS report means Toilet Papers report.

I certainly didn’t miss The Walking Dead.  The episode I caught only confirmed my dislike for the show.  The series may be well-acted, but it’s construction can be difficult, if not cheesy— back-to-back in a pit.  About as real as West Side Story.  (But TV-MA-V.)

At least I’d only missed one year of the Academy Awards (ABC, 8 p.m.-11:30 p.m. 12).  Aah, before the power went out due to snow.  Daniel Day-Lewis, the only actor with three male-lead Oscars®, was surprisingly funny.  But did Seth MacFarlane have to do the whole “we saw your boobs” number?  As an editor, I would say he should’ve interrupted the prerecorded performance.  That would’ve been appreciated by… everyone?

And lastly, finally, How I Met Your Mother is wrapping up.  We will finally gets to see who holds the yella’ umbrella.  But before then, we have to endure the destruction of Ted’s apartment, Barney’s ‘pick-up’ book and an episode that clearly stole from Friends.  (As if the show wasn’t already based on Friends.)

Friends.  Heh.

Do you have any shows you like, love, or love to hate in mind?

Hey— Bob’s Burgers (FOX) is back on!  Wait… it was never canceled.  Topsy.


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