Maybe writing about one of the dreams I had this morning will get my mind off of again wanting to delete everything and just…
This is post #74, not counting the “Freedom” one that was deleted some time ago. Heh, even freedom in a post isn’t free.
It was lucid dream— the kind of dream where you know you’re dreaming.
I was small child in form; I had my adult mind (or close enough). A different child altogether— a different person.
There was that routine of walking from the school grounds, followed by finding the right bus, and at the last moment. Some of the other children may have missed their chance. Doors close, vehicles drive off. Without catching any numbers (like randomly picking any of them), the doors to one of the two remaining buses opened for me.
And then there was that finding a seat, but there were no problems, socially or otherwise. I chose to sit in a seat already occupied to a degree— such smallness of the children. The depth was a little weird— three children could fit a seat, and that number felt standard.
The dream was vivid enough that I could just pull out my graphing calculator, and browse through the menu, with very consistent results. Knowing I was dreaming, I continued scrolling, testing things.
But still, like all dreams, there were elements that were completely unreal; it took consciousness to realize how several items I came across just don’t exist in the real world I experience. There were several programs and features I didn’t add to the calculator.
Then, something happened, to which several of the children, including the one already sitting in the seat I chose, went toward the right of the bus to look. It would be that “in the moment,” where the adrenaline or difficulty to imagine woke me up before I could catch any sight of what had happened. But it wasn’t quite like that.
The math nerd I am, I instead went on testing the fast mathematical abilities one would have in-dream to perform routines that aren’t easy to do on paper, let alone in-head. The kind of thing I did during an exam… in English class.