An Unnecessary Look at Dating Websites


St. Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and… I have something I wrote inexplicably typed several days ago.  And I have a few images I made last February.  So here goes.
Online dating sites are now, and for a long time (have been), the place for pandering and outright lying(And I know pandering quite well… [the political definition, not the pimping def.])
Some of the sites even give you cheat sheets— tips on how to lie.  I sheet you not.

What’s the purpose or reason for these activities in the first place?
Do we just build a profile/persona, display our name, and expect “the right person” to appear?  My advice: don’t chop your nose off— er, don’t get rhinoplasty for these things.
Just sayin’.

Out of the massive failure rates… how do these things work?  I mean, at all?
Expectations, biases— there is something with the language of the names…

  • Plenty of Fish: the name “almost” suggests, plenty of strangers.  And so it went in the direction of, random hook-ups.  If you’re looking for a relationshipyeah… it seems only Sara and Eric succeeded there.
  • Match: idealistic and fantastical—the “perfect” match.  At best, relationships with people that are difficult to find, let alone… exist.  Might as well be looking for a date with a unicorn-centaur.  More on this gem in the second half of this post.
  • OKCupid: a free site, with a free problematic questionnaire (‘how do I answer that?’), that may stick you with a not-so-pleasant pattern of people.  It pretty much forces you to change yourself or restart/quit.  (Someone, who may or may not be me, had a nightmare or two, and quit mid-2012.)
  • the not-free, and highly commercialized… commercial of a dating site, collecting bad pick-up lines, as if filtering on those will help much.  The jingle you hear in the ads is more successful?  Nahhh… can’t be.
  • eHarmony: it should be noted that a disclaimer pops up for dating sites these days, and it’s fitting with this one.  Results not typical.

Down in the dumps?

And then there are those sites that aren’t explicitly dating sites, but… you could say they depend on those ‘status’ fields.

  • FaceBook: at least there is a basis of reality when it comes to profiles and stories… an oft-fictionalized version of the reality, however.  Over 900 million accounts, and a smaller number of people represented in that number.  Underneath, many of those people are bad at socializing in real life.  And some are nuts, crazy, insane, “loony,” or even have a screw loose.  Did I mention crazy?
  • Twitter: if you’re a 24-hour text-messager, you might be successful here.  In 140 characters or less (TMI?).  And you might be (or come off as) nuts, crazy, insane, “loony”…
  • Pinterest: when you want to just skip actually speaking entirely.  Who needs an attention span?  Possibly relate on images alone.  Okay, I’ve never seen this thing kick off a marriage, but it’s possible.

E-mail alone can go far (or the furthest), but there are those places typically seen as a place of escape.  When it comes to blogging, the response is always temporal and is usually… just rhetorical.  And the person you meet is probably already taken.

So how do people meet online?
I’d say you may be screwed.  And not in a good way.


Good luck, Lisa B., the person who inadvertently inspired me to do this post, with article on Scholars and Rogues, Freshly Pressed Jan. 10.
It’s very funny.  And very sad— the conflicting traits the guys want over at  And the comments— oh my God.  You’ll never see anything this great.  (Except for my depressing comment.)

Juli Hoffman (#170613):
“If there were such women out there, women who climbed things and flung themselves from mountains after making a 6+ figure income, she’d be a terrifying woman to behold!!! …
Sometimes friends of friends seem to work out, dating-wise. A[s] they do in my limited experience. The trick with that is figuring out ways to get everyone together so you can meet the friends of friends.”

Hmmm… meet the friends of friends?  That’s just so odd— it might work.  (And maybe some people on these sites pretend to be one of their friends—the better match?  Oop- don’t want to put that idea in your head.)

bronwynschroeder (#171108):
“Online dating is whack.”


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