Self-Censorship and Confidence


For one mere sentence or act of quality, it requires an extraordinary amount information, experience to know, out of prior execution and feedback, what works and what doesn’t, and confidence to deliver the end-results as-is.  Opposing standards do not necessarily help, and sometimes that battle of wills can become ridiculous.

This post will remain uncensored, but I come to you today a coward and a hypocrite.  I didn’t vote yesterday.  I was driven to the voting station in the area (the Buxton fire station for at least four years, and the town hall prior), but I didn’t walk in.  The indecision wasn’t out of fear per se; it was the Asperger’s.  This time around made me realize exactly what was, and is, wrong with me.

The general reasons for self-censorship are prevention of embarrassment and identity fraud.  It is only responsible to censor your social security number in the system we have.  Personal responsibility on the matter of maturity or business ethics would be factors when it comes to which words or what information you shouldn’t use or give out.  There’s a difference between using language for the purpose of offense and using language that would “give a head start” on sexual education for little children.  WordPress, however, is (supposed to be) a 13+ site, so I never really needed to censor the word ‘shit.’

“The King’s Speech”

In the willingness to act or speak “correctly” without the time to self-edit, and the unwillingness to do it from the heart, one could be rendered motionless or silent.  Or, one could oscillate.  Take stuttering, for example—the inability to enunciate sentences without breaking or repeating syllables.  Some people with a stutter have speech center or motor problems, as multiple regions of the brain are devoted and needed in the process of speech.  And some with a stutter instead just need to “let go.”

Holding oneself back while having enough time to process is another matter.  Living each moment of life ill-prepared or in fear won’t improve anything.  And moving through life while violating your own rules will necessarily grant you hell.  It takes courage to follow through on promises that pose new challenge(s).

My problem, however, comes down to missing confidence of the immediate surroundings, in relation to my person.  Not to be confused with cynicism, Asperger’s is regarded as a developmental disorder because the individual ‘afflicted’ is an absolute perfectionist at low levels—a deep procrastinator.  It only takes one mistake for me to shut down, get angry, or want to hurt myself.  It is one thing to know better, it is another to act better.  And so we are uncomfortable, extremely picky, even on eye contact, and would rather spend more time on things like nailing a hobby or movie genre.

Too many times have I chosen tasks I’m more comfortable with over moving ahead.  And that needs to properly change.  With no risk there is no gain; and since everything decays you must eventually take a risk.  With nature in balance, risks by themselves have no negative side effects.  You may think you’re losing something, but you gain something different with technically equal value.  Only dishonesty causes damage.

There has, however, been a level of dishonesty in my actions; I have allowed myself be misled, and have lived a bit of a double-life here.  I will get into that part later.

The Show that Comes Ever So Close to Nailing These Subjects

The elements that ‘Stan’ in South Park would face throughout the animated comedy series would serve as a reflection of indecision on choices of bad quality.  In one episode, on voting for the new team mascot, the choices came down to literally, Turd or Douche.

In a later episode, Stan saw everything in his surroundings as ‘shit.’  From his perspective, he heard ‘shitting,’ and saw ‘shit’ come out of people’s (and duck’s) mouths.  Stan would come to tolerate change, with a sip of liquor—the kind of change where your only visible choices of entertainment are in the likes of a Zoo Keeper sequel.

This ‘shitty’ episode, “Le Petit Tourette” (Tourette’s syndrome, and Eric Cartman’s “golden ticket”) and the classic “It Hits the Fan” (tackles standards & practices) run on Comedy Central at 9 p.m. or later uncensored under Viacom’s newer TV-MA standards.

The Blog that Goes Nowhere

It’s difficult enough writing here.  As with drawing, I drift, and the proportions veer off.  I end up gutting a lot of text, and many posts end up looking bad—the flow is ruined, and the content can become difficult to read… at least unpleasant to the eyes.  But then you have the minimal-edit posts, such as the latest, “Blogging… It Still Makes Me Cringe.”  (And apparently RebeccaBlack2000 is a speed-reader, as she ‘Liked’ that one in a matter of seconds—the same thing with “Why Impoverished Observers…”)

It wouldn’t be a matter of fear or censorship when it came to writing this thing; it would be more a matter of perseverance, (over)confidence, and knowing what the fuck I’m talking about.  “Honesty has its virtues,” but things only work out when you honestly work them out, in your local surroundings—not so much from across the globe.

There’s more left to say (and deliver results better organized), but I shall call it a day.  If I don’t, this post will look ‘shitty.’  (Or more so… especially since I poked fun at Rebecca.  Don’t you just hate FB poking?…blah, bla…)

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