Movie of the Weak: Aborted, Nearly Castrated and Dishonorably Discharged

(poster image)

Soldiers of Fortune (Jeff Most Productions, released by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 2012)
It stars Christian Slater (Dawn Rider), Freddie Rodriguez (Six Feet Under), Ving Rhames (Pulp Fiction), James Cromwell (L.A. Confidential) and Colm Meaney (Bel Ami).  Rated ‘R’ for needless violence and language, all of the titles aforementioned are masterpieces in comparison. (And L.A. Confidential is already A-grade.)

Special Operations members (Rodriguez, Slater) are attached to guard high-paying gamers (includes Cromwell) in the proposition of a fake, safe “adventure mission,” with paintball in training, and one of them playing video games.

They were lied to; the bullets are real.  One of their members gets caught by foreign fighters while the commander is telling them to abort the mission—it’s revealed that the target (Meaney), a CIA agent, has been moving drugs.  Against orders, Slater saves Rodriguez from castration, and that save grants them a Dishonorable Discharge.

Both get shot at, and Rodriguez’ boat gets blown up.  Long story short, the ‘macho, good guys’ have to save themselves in an action-packed manner, with the same conventional tactics that you’ve already seen before.

Developed by Europeans with names I’ve yet to recognize, filmed… somewhere in the Ukraine, my first take on this movie, given the preview (also used within it), I thought it was going to be some sort of “Time Share promotional”-appearing version of Starship Troopers.  This movie is not that interesting.

Soldiers of Fortune tries to get away with its weak writing via buds acting—but not looking—macho, crumpling beer can(s) with one hand, and… explosions: the first sequence ends with one measly grenade generating a giant pyro detonation as the two Ops guys walk away; and by the end, they run into a large “Extremely Flammable Material” container—just sitting there, waiting to be used against the bad guys.

It’s budget was $8 million, yet it made just under $1.6 mn., mostly in the Russia-CIS market (500 screens); it made $38,898 in the U.S. after just two weeks on fifty screens.  Grade: C.


5 thoughts on “Movie of the Weak: Aborted, Nearly Castrated and Dishonorably Discharged

      1. I have. Subtitles on (w. a player that’d show them in Fast Forward), speed-reading the slow parts of movies. Not this one, though.

        And I’m not the one renting these, anyway (no money).


  1. I had no idea this was even a movie. Maybe I am living under a rock?! I think I will stay there though since this review made it very easy to stay away from. Thanks!


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