Thursday: another day

Another day added to the days of virtual emptiness. And, of course, the computer has to act up with all of its mysterious hard drive activity…
Alone again, this day I have time to write this, though with more nerve bundle stress pain in my left arm, even after sleep.
It’s a little…unnerving.

It’s another day of taking three antibiotic pills for an abscess underneath a wisdom tooth. Yeah, wisdom tooth. It mocks my scant wisdom, the medical issues being as they are a result of my inaction.
To think, and only think: wisdom over heart.

It’s another day of low self-esteem. Males are most vulnerable to stress without it, and overbearing fear can cause sudden death syndrome in any life form.

It’s another day of zero affectionate love, acting only on ideas, self-preservation and the willingness to start my life again.
One day, like the last I tried to start, features the same limbo: no opportunities appreciable or enjoyable.

At 28, what separates these days from the last is the gained faith/foolishness of reaching out before whatever many months or years I have left run out so I don’t remain in limbo.

Another day, after yesterday that I saw “Non-starter” was already taken — not that I should use such an unattractive sub-domain!

Another day, where I’m left with only my thoughts, downloads and my unfinished and somewhat pointless work. Some reading materials are quite good, but I should’ve read them and thanked their authors years ago despite their seldom reply.

Another day, this time writing for something that may or may not happen. My writings are often unwritten, misunderstood and usually not taken at all.

(It’s another day where I’m supposed to be good at marketing or a dead-end job.)

It’s not quite the kind of day where I may come off as only angry or self-absorbed. To possibly hear, “This guy doesn’t deserve anything; he doesn’t do anything.” What can I do?

Another day, knowing all I’ve done will be reduced to the moment, as if I’m complaining about a toy being taken away. If I act in being serious or different, the actions may be deemed a legal matter, no matter how law-abiding I am.

It’s another day to find that I’m more physically blind than the day before. I’m able to read the ironic “You have a choice!” off the newspapers on the floor.

This day I’ve compiled information from all these days into one ball, appearing to make the mistake of mentioning everything important all at once, as to remove the right to ever mention them again over the hatred of redundancy.

A thunderstorm arrives, and it hasn’t really stopped.


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